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Been down this road before (swedishfrogs isn't the only one who can quote Chess(grin))

For long time fans of the show, you may remember my posts about Ben, the number three love of my life. For those new to the program, check out this post for some info. This is a friends only entry, so if you aren't on my friends list, you'll have to ask to see it, and I'll email it to you (my roomates cannot see it). Well, he ships out on December 3rd finally, so he is here for the weekend. Anyway, my point . . .

A few months ago, I realized that I don't love him anymore, that the crush had finally passed. Now I feel like he's a complete stranger, like the only thing I knew about him was that I loved him so hard. Part of me doesn't want to rediscover a friendship with him; I'm afraid to fall in love with him again. Dammit, I have no right to feel this way.

It doesn't help that he was wearing a skin tight bar shirt when I got home. He's lost weight, but he still looks good.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
amoslynn00
Nov. 8th, 2002 03:47 pm (UTC)
i didnt read the other post, but i totally know how you feel. my ex and i were best friends (with benefits of course) for sooo long after we broke up. then i came here. since then nothing has been the same. i grew as a person though, and got past my painful infatuation (or whatever you want to see it as) but now when i see him its sooo akward. not in an annoying way, but theres no strong bond there or anything and conversation has no real point, almost as if we are strangers passing time. but i miss him and know that if i were around and we spent more time together i would fall hard again.

then theres my first love, which i discussed in my last post...seeing him sent no feelings other than at one time i loved him so much that i literally tried to die with out him! i have nothing but dead feelings for him, until i see him, which is just a panging reminder of hurt love.

but you cant help who you fall for, as much as you try not to, it just eats away at you until you give in. be strong my man! but then, simple sex doesnt hurt either, if you are good enough to detach yourself away from any emotion, especially those concerning the past. not sure if im helping or not, but i just felt like talking :) thanks for listening!
rainbow_jr
Nov. 8th, 2002 04:23 pm (UTC)
I'm giving you a big hug right now.
I won't say I know what you're going through, because I'm not you. I can only say that I've had somewhat of a similar experience in my life. You have every right to feel the way you are feeling, and if you weren't confused I'd probably be more worried for you. In my case, I decided that if I really loved this person that it was better to have him in my life as a friend than not at all. As much as I never thought it would happen, the feelings have simmered and the friendship has been wonderful. I hate to see people's hearts aching because I know how painful it is. I really wish I was there for you...but whatever you decide to do, no matter which way you go, you're a good person. Trust yourself and your heart. It'll all work out in the end, even if getting there is difficult. As always, all my best!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )