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work: an open letter to my coworkers

Dearest coworkers (because I'm getting a little crabby),
Believe it or not, I CAN tell the difference between PopSecret Homestyle microwave popcorn (made with real Land O'Lakes butter), and Act II Butter Lover's microwave popcorn. Obviously, one of you does not believe that I am capable of making this distinction, since you ate my last bag of PopSecret Homestyle microwave popcorn (made with real Land O'Lakes butter), and put crappy popcorn in its place! Putting Act II Butter Lover's in a PopSecret Homestyle box does not change a greasy swill of a popcorn into the crisp, buttery/salty deliciousness that is PopSecret Homestyle microwave popcorn (made with real Land O'Lakes butter).

I buy the big box because I don't mind sharing. But, if you somehow need to appease your conscience by replacing what you eat, please don't be deluded. There is NO equivalent to PopSecret Homestyle microwave popcorn (made with real Land O'Lakes butter); it is the best microwave popcorn on the planet. I'm sure you know this, now that you have partaken of its greatness. Maybe I'm being a little paranoid, but I have a theory that you had the Act II with you when you took my last bag of popcorn. You just couldn't have the Boone's Farm when the Dom Perignon was staring you in the face.

I forgive you. We all have moments of weakness. Do it again, and I'm giving the repeat callers your home phone numbers.

kisses,
stewart

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
vagabondshoes
Jun. 27th, 2004 06:00 pm (UTC)
this letter is tactful and hilarious. i wish i could call it my own.
mister_biv
Jun. 27th, 2004 07:22 pm (UTC)
It wasn't me.

I hate popcorn. Land O' Lakes butter or not.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )