To quote Margaret Cho, What kind of fucked up, Motley Crue, Behind the Music bullshit is this?

My life is a soap opera. Well, it's more accurate to say that I am a bit character in the soap opera playing out around me.

Some of you may know that my dad is getting a divorce from his current wife (his third). Tonight, he tells me that he's starting seeing someone. Again.

My first ex-stepmother, Judy. I could so hear the bad organ playing in the background as he told me this. Now I'm waiting to find out that I have some rare disease, have been in a coma for five years, or am in love with the man of my dreams who also happens to be my twin, taken from my mother at birth.

Watch out, or I'll start trying to sell you tampons or laundry detergent every eight minutes. You will have that fresh feeling, one way or another.

I have more to say on this, but it can wait. Goodnight.