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mp: two-sday


It's funny, my first thought this morning was about the gay penguins. It's not that just read the story about them, I saw a follow up article a few days ago. What an odd thought to wake up to. I wonder if I was dreaming about them. I don't even remember what their names are. Those gay penguins, i tell yeah.
Thinking about Wade. Should I tell kathy that I did look at his file once upon a time? This incident isn't related to that situation at all so I think no. It should be over and done with. I still wonder if he was in the crisis center on Sunday morning. It would make sense, but how did he leave again? Should I start setting the alarm? I know I'm going to set it off myself if I do.
I'm feeling resistance to this process this morning, which I guess is a good thing. In a few minutes it should feel very clearing. I look at this as cleaning out the fish tank in my mind. On top there is the water, with stuff floarting in it, big plastic pieces of seaweed, treasure chests and stuff. Cleaning that out, is rather easy, and you know what you are moving. After you get that stuff out, you start on the rocks, sand, and silt on the bottom. You can't touch the bottom until you've gotten the big stuff out of the way. You also don't know what you'll find in the silt. Lots of surprises. The first couple minutes of mps are the seaweed in stuff, clearing the big thoughts that are blocking me. After that, I feel like I have nothing more to say, but then start to touch other stuff, which is the silt. Once I start touching that stuff, I feel like I can go on forever. If I find that I can do these regularly for twenty minutes, I think I'm going to try to up the time a little bit at a time, to see if I can get up to thirty minutes. I need to dredge the silt, and if I don't have enough time to work in that space, I need to find it. I think the cat is on the counter, I'm trying to ignore it. My focus is here. Really.
How am I going to train Lyra? She is incorrigible, getting on everything we don't want her to be on. The water bottle isn't very effective with her, as she is stubborn as hell.
I didn't sleep for shit last night, nervous about my two clients (at least) this morning. I'll need caffeine to stay focused for them. Grrr, I need to learn to sleep at night. And to go to bed at a decent hour. Oh well, I'll get excited about my clients, and that will get me moving.
Was reading stuff about mps again yesterday, and remembered that they were supposed to be read by nobody, especially myself. I don't really care. I'm not censoring these, but I think it's important for me to feel a little vulnerable sometimes. I need to have other posts than these though. These are supposed to help me feel more creative to do things like that. Am I a creative counselor? I think so. When I'm with a client, things just seem to jump out of my mouth. Some of the activities I've practiced, some just seem right. Need to document the ones that are new. I may have a book on my hands. It would be fun to present at ACA or something, even though I'm not a member. I like this profession, maybe I'll work in it for a while.
I'm feeling like I shouldn't have told John about the counseling center not having a session limit. I could tell that he was ready to go in with guns blazing after I said that. oops, I guess that's a moment when I knew information that shouldn't have been shared. I don't think it is right for a counselor to lie to a client either, and Gary has done that to John in this case. Not it may be possible that there is an upper limit of sessions that I don't know about, John has been seeing him a long time. We'll see what happens, whether he will transfer to another therapist or not.
What else in on my mind. Two more days until I start Atkins again. Feeling good about it. Have to check the refrigerator to see what I need. I think I will need entree stuff. I also have to check the pork chops to see if they've gone bad.
What else am I feeling this morning? I'm so tired, but I'm running out of time. There, the five minute bell just sounded. Should I buy myself a timer? Probably, so I don't keep stealing the one that works from the kitchen. I like that it has a ten and a five minute warning, though. Kind of sets me up to keep digging. What else to talk about? Don't really know. Lots of weird dreams last night. I was watching a film marathon at a hotel like structure, with group of people. Don't remember who was in the group. It felt like I knew most of them. At one point, the group changed, and it became more about Margaret Cho. She was even there. It was obvious that I was reading her blog a couple of minutes before I went to bed. I wonder if people really did protest her show. That makes me sad that people would do that. I love what she said about her fans, that we are tough and that we have been through it. She really does love us. I felt like she was kind of egging her fans on to do something, though. Maybe not, but you never know. I love her idea that she would stand, hold the protesters hands, and ask them to say on camera all the stuff they email her. It's very hateful, and I hope at least one person had the balls to look like a complete fool on camera. That should stop some of the hate mail. I hope. She doens't deserve it. Wish I could go see CHO revolution.
and time.