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work: the end of the affair

I didn't get the TLP position. I'm sad about it, but when JoAnne told me, I didn't get the sucker punch to the gut feeling I usually get. I'm not sure whether that means I'm more comfortable with rejection or that I already knew on some level that I wasn't getting it.

I feel so lost. I don't want to finish my Master's; I just don't care anymore. I don't know where I'm going to live in three months, I don't know what I'm going to do for a job.

My gut reaction says to resign my lease. PAUSE. I just called the leasing office; they will let me resign until December. I can start doing the Body Shop consulting thing. Even if it doesn't work out, I know I can pay my rent on my LE check. I'll still be a poor college student, unless I can make this consulting thing work for me. Knowing that I can sign a one semester lease makes me feel more comfortable.

I still have to wonder if I'm clutching again, holding on to my current life situation as a way to avoid having to deal with change. I'm such a freak. Aren't mental health professionals supposed to be above asinine coping strategies learned as toddlers?

Well, Eyeore is off to take a nap. I'm sure I'll feel better afterwards; I don't know what I'll do if I don't.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 17th, 2004 10:09 am (UTC)

What is mean't to be, will happen in the time it is suppose too. I am not sure if you believe that, but realize you have tons of talent. Good Things Come to those who wait Stewart!
Mar. 17th, 2004 11:26 am (UTC)
Okay, so you didn't get this one. There's a reason for that. You'll get through this and you'll make things happen.

Mar. 17th, 2004 05:15 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'm just freaking out about my "next step"

things will look better tomorrow.

How are things in the sunnier parts of the country?
Mar. 17th, 2004 11:37 am (UTC)
i didn't apply for the TLP job but other than that i related to the rest of this entry. i also don't even have the motivation to finsih my master's. i'm trudging through because i don't know what else to do with myself. i don't know if it's just frustrating about not getting hardly any internship hours in that's causing my sour perspective of my future in counseling or if it's more than that. i don't know what i want to do once i AM done. i still want to do something in the helping profession, but i'm not sure counseling is the answer for me. we'll have to see how i feel once i've actually obtained some good internship experience.
i also feel like i should have my shit together since i'm going into a profession where i'm gonna help others get their shit together. but we just stumble along just like everybody else.
this was kinda depressing but nice to get off my chest. (my chest is big enough as it is...) he he!
Mar. 17th, 2004 05:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. Before you make your mind up against counseling, make sure you try out some other experiences first. I felt like you until I started at PCA. Having support for my counseling has helped me so much; I'm actually enjoying the process. When I was in RYS, I didn't like counseling as much either, but I thought it was just me.
Mar. 17th, 2004 05:37 pm (UTC)
i want to do internship hours at pca during the summer. who should i talk to about it? and when should i call? i'm hoping a different experience where i don't have to repeatedly call schools to get clients will be a more positive experience for me and uplift my feelings about counseling.
Mar. 17th, 2004 06:44 pm (UTC)
You can call and talk to Dorothy, Cesre (sess ree), or Tracey. I don't know if they are going to pick anyone up, though. Brenda, Ellen, and I are staying through the summer. I'd call soon, they asked us at staff today how many hours we wanted in the summer.
Mar. 21st, 2004 11:27 am (UTC)
Matthew Modine/Kristin Davis film: April 4, 8 PM.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )