February 10th, 2002

hedwig (by radiocure)

February, why do you hate me!?!

In high school, I called it the third marking period slump. In college, it became the stressful stretch before spring break. No matter what I choose to call it, it remains the same; February sucks my ass, and not in the nice what-was-your-name-again-rimboy way. This month is always marked by an emotional intensity unmatched by the other eleven months of the year. Last year, I chose to deal with it by not going to class.

Yes, for the entire month.

This year I refuse to succumb to it. I am telling the Gordian knots of emotion to take a long walk. At least I'm trying. Take today. I am taking the weekend class from hell, which really isn't so bad as I am taking it with a whole bunch of truly lovely people who I otherwise wouldn't have known (note to those I already knew (especially those with LJ accounts, rachel) I love you too), and one of my classmates read this story about balloons written for kids to help them deal with loss. I had to actively work to not sob. Later in the day I'm hysterically laughing about bleating like a goat.

Yep, February: the land that Happy Medium forgot.

At least there are a few positives for the month. I'm so emotional, I don't give a flying f&^% that at least one of the sentences in the last big paragraph is stylistically, if not outright grammatically, incorrect. That and music is so much more powerful when I feel like this. I think I buy more CDs in February than the rest of the year put together. I've already bought six, and the month is young (and the new Alanis is coming the end of the month!!!).

In related news, the official songs for the month of maudlin are Origin of Love from Hedwig and the Angry Inch and You can sleep while I drive, the Trisha Yearwood and the Melissa Etheridge version.

Well this is not the journal entry I set out to write earlier this evening, but oh well. Let's see if I can pour this excess of emotion into this instead of letting it make a mess of my life.

always love
wart
  • Current Music
    Trisha Yearwood - Thinkin' about You (Guess which song is on the album)
hedwig (by radiocure)

P.S.

I forgot to add this to the last post, and I don't feel like editing it as it doesn't quite fit with where I ended up going with the entry.

I earned a free online tarot reading, and this was the interpretation of one of the cards that seems truly poignant (aside: if you want one too, let me know and I will email you about the website. That way, I get more free readings!)

When Judgment appears in this position, you lack confidence in your infinite interior life. You seem to believe that everyone else's being is divine and yours is not. That you lack belief in your own worth, rightness and immortality is the very last veil that keeps you from reunion with your greater self.

You can pull this thin, transparent veil aside by choosing wholeness over fragmentation and obscurity. When the veil parts, you will feel it like a thunderclap, a trumpet blast. Your infinite being awaits your acceptance so it can bless you with all the powers and gifts you already naturally possess but may not be aware of.


Bring it on, baby. I'm sick of feeling this way

good night
  • Current Music
    Still TY