April 16th, 2002

hedwig (by radiocure)

Felpausch: The people who care ?!?

Just finished reading She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb. An okay book, it had a quote that started me thinking.

You didn't ring up people's groceries for years without learning about human nature

I had the unique opportunity - I still can't bring myself to say it was a pleasure - of working for a grocery store for two years, three months, and four days. The actually horror of it all, combined with the ascending number combination is the only reason I remember the exact length of my sentence. I have to admit, though, that I did take away from the experience a greater knowledge of myself and others.

My coming out to others started there. A co-worker I barely knew but somehow instinctively trusted, asked me one day, and for the first time, I didn't feel it necessary to lie. I believe she was the first person I ever got to cruise guys with. Lisa, wherever you are, thank you.

It gave me the chance to see the community I grew up in an entirely different light. People who I hated and was hated by at school were my friends at work; people who were "upstanding members of the community" treated their kids like shit.

I finally learned not to put people on pedestals. A manager, someone I greatly respected, turned on me and made my work environment so painful that the only emotion I experienced when I walked out in the middle of my shift was relief. Her need to play office politics was more important than my feelings, so she gladly used me when she had a chance to make herself look better. On some rational level, I think that this should shouldn't hurt any more, almost five years after the events, but it still does. Her clay feet really kicked me in the ass. This isn't really related to me and the grocery store, but she got caught embezelling a few months later. I know it shouldn't, but I enjoyed that, knowing that I wasn't the only one she was lying to.

Felpausch brought Stephanie and Bill into my life, and they are two of the closest friends I've ever had.

I learned that I had limits, that it wasn't possible to take a full class load, have a co-op in a high school, and be the full-time night manager.

I learned that some people will not like you, no matter how hard you try. Of course, just because I learned this lesson then doesn't mean that it doesn't still bother me sometimes.

I learned that a cucumber is PLU 4062. It is such a waste of brain cells that I still remember that, and many more register codes, years later.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
hedwig (by radiocure)

Homework worries

For a class, I have to write a paper about a type of therapy. Since I couldn't come up with a therapy I wanted to know more about, I chose one that I didn't really want to know anything about.

I'm doing my presentation on Conversion Therapy, the idea that you can "overcome" homosexual impulses.

I was kind of worried at first, afraid that I might find information that would be statistically sound and be persuasive; worried that I might start to question myself.

God, I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore. This is such a crock of shit. Testimonials that are all variations of "I didn't fit in as a child, but this ministry has taken me in and now I feel I belong!" Nothing like preying on someone's desire to have friends to further your bullshit mission.

Just add a keg, and these ministries could be greek organizations (no offense to my greek friends)

It's good that I chose this topic, now I have ammunition when people talk about this "therapy" like it is actually viable.
  • Current Mood
    discontent discontent
hedwig (by radiocure)

Mo' on the Homo subject

These are tooo funny, I had to share

taken from the Exodus International testimonials Ex-gays share the way

Many years of alcohol, drugs and unlimited sex left me in complete despair. Was there a spiritual answer that could really satisfy me?
Unlimited Sex? Sign me up!!!

With a wonderful wife, two lovely daughters, a large home in the suburbs and a responsible position in the local church, who would have ever suspected my exclusive homosexuality and frequent trips into the parks, porno shops and gay bars.
The only thing I'm wondering is why, with such a blah life, you haven't explored running yourself over with the lawn mower

Even after dozens of gay relationships, I still had not found a man who satisfied my deepest needs. Would I ever find fulfillment in homosexuality?
I think I saw this Size Queen on Springer. Friend of yours chay?(you are the one who admitting to being a SQ right?)

One day, I made the decision that I could not keep my homosexual activity a secret from my wife any longer. So I found the courage and talked to her about it. Her reaction was one of shock and one of great fear.
At least now she understands why he knows the difference between Buttercream and Ecru

My childhood sexual abuse left me feeling like discarded trash. I became afraid of men--and detached from my own masculinity.
Hey, they fixed John Wayne Bobbitt, I'm sure they can help you too!

My mother's lesbianism caused embarrasment and confusion in my own life. My greatest fear was that I would become a lesbian, too.
Cross your fingers and use your cootie spray to keep the homo germs away. I had to include this one as my mother is a lesbian, and we seem to be the exception to the rule.

In Conclusion, I am glad I wasn't raised in a religious household. Coming out was hard enough without having to deal with the whole "you're going to hell!" issue.
  • Current Mood
    silly silly