May 18th, 2002

hedwig (by radiocure)

Odd Movie for an odd moment

I just finished watching Advice From a Caterpillar, which really made me feel defensive, a sign that one of the characters evinced an aspect of my personality that I hate about my self. It was the whole fake vibe I got from Cynthia Nixon, the way she dealt with emotions. That is me some times, trying so hard to "process" how I'm feeling so I don't actually have to deal with how I'm feeling.

The last week or so has been so weird, an emotional low for me. Not an emotionally negative time, I'm just feeling more apathetic than normal. Or should I say I'm feeling less? Even my pun was weak.

I don't think it's just me, though, it seems to be effecting everyone. I can't count the number of times that people have said to me that they think this summer is going to suck, and I run around like Chicken Little, trying my hardest to motivate them, convince them that this summer will be great (like every other summer here) when I feel the same way myself. Sing louder so you don't have to hear that you are two beats behind.

As of midnight, it became Melissa's birthday. One of my closest friends from High School, I feel like I've done irreparable damage to our relationship. I haven't been there for her. We haven't spoken since before her father's funeral. The fact that I freaked out and didn't go makes me feel so guilty. Out of a lifetime chock full of mistakes, this is one of my greatest regrets. Maybe I'll write more about this later, but I don't know if I'm ready to share this.
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hedwig (by radiocure)

12 minutes 44 seconds

Give coell 12:44 and she'll make everything good again.

Thank you, sweetness, you are truly one of Earth's greatest treasures. I don't feel that I have the authority to speak for the universe . . . yet.
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    thankful thankful