March 17th, 2004

happy is what happens (by tyllisium)

work: the end of the affair

I didn't get the TLP position. I'm sad about it, but when JoAnne told me, I didn't get the sucker punch to the gut feeling I usually get. I'm not sure whether that means I'm more comfortable with rejection or that I already knew on some level that I wasn't getting it.

I feel so lost. I don't want to finish my Master's; I just don't care anymore. I don't know where I'm going to live in three months, I don't know what I'm going to do for a job.

My gut reaction says to resign my lease. PAUSE. I just called the leasing office; they will let me resign until December. I can start doing the Body Shop consulting thing. Even if it doesn't work out, I know I can pay my rent on my LE check. I'll still be a poor college student, unless I can make this consulting thing work for me. Knowing that I can sign a one semester lease makes me feel more comfortable.

I still have to wonder if I'm clutching again, holding on to my current life situation as a way to avoid having to deal with change. I'm such a freak. Aren't mental health professionals supposed to be above asinine coping strategies learned as toddlers?

Well, Eyeore is off to take a nap. I'm sure I'll feel better afterwards; I don't know what I'll do if I don't.
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