I'm so ashamed that I've lived with this secret for so long. I will come out of the closet, and admit to you, that I, hapgood, am in fact a closet heterosexual.
Taco, yeah, yum yum. I love boobies. No pole riding for me, I've got carpet that needs a spit polish. I'm trading in my gigabytes of man on man action for a pamela anderson pin up and a pocket pussy.
The religious right will be SO proud.
I'm going to stop before I start dry heaving.