November 1st, 2008

or never and (by tyllisium)

The DaVinci Company?

Started listening to Company again about six weeks ago, trying to get myself into a frame of mind to write a wedding toast.

I haven't been able to stop. It's my Jesus on a tortilla, and I don't know why the hell it's here, now. It's not like I just discovered the show, I know most of the music by heart, but now it's all somehow bigger than a musical.

I've taken to watching the revival video a bit at a time (thank you Netflix on demand), or all in one sitting, trying to figure out what it is trying to tell me. I'm somehow convinced that if I can truly understand Bobby and the rest of the characters, I will truly be able to understand my fuckedupedness. It then follows that if I can understand it, I can fix me.

To the people who know the show, I want to stave off arguments of "another gay man arguing that Bobby is gay." I don't think Bobby is gay at all, it's just that Bobby has commitment issues that are also found in many gay man. This one at least. It's like the relationship between a rectangle and a square; Bobby is not a gay man, but gay men are Bobby. Some, anyway. This one, definitely.

To the couple friends I've spent time with in recent weeks, I want to offer an apology. Like Bobby, I've taken to observing, trying to make sense of couplehood. I'm at the intersection of Bobby and Jane Goodall, and I hope I'm not making people uncomfortable (like the quote one of the women make, "Whenever we spend time with you, Robert, I feel like we are auditioning").

While I've strongly identified with other fictional works before, I've never felt like one was speaking to me in this manner. Maybe I'm going mental. Does this qualify as magical thinking?
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