Dr. Hapgood, your cruise director (hapgood) wrote,
Dr. Hapgood, your cruise director

  • Music:

family: a moment with mom, but she doesn't know it

I bought the new Celine Dion CD, Miracle, in secret yesterday. Left Meijer, flipped it over and saw it.

track 3

If I Could

and I remembered a moment with Mom, riding in the car. I was young, and it was just the two of us in the car (no Kristoffer). The song came on the radio (I'm thinking it was the Regina Belle version) and she was just lost in it. Normally, when she sang, it was an inclusive event, eyes moving to attempt to draw in other participants, or at least an audience. During this song, she turned inward, like she was singing to herself. I tried to get a better look at her from the back seat (where she always made us ride), but was afraid that if I moved too much, I'd break her reverie and never get to see this side of her again.

She was a secret then, and still is today. The life she's lived is her business, and when she slips and gives something new about her, I'm quick to snap it up and examine it, trying to figure her out. Reading the lyrics to this song, I'm given another piece.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this, other than eventually stop crying when I listen to the song. I'll probably end up calling her, but I'm a little tired of our interractions only occuring when one of us has a maudlin moment (very rare, I've seen her once in the last year, and that's above the average). I guess I'll keep kicking it around until I'm tired of it.

if I could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
give you courage in a world of compromise
yes, I would

if I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
and I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
yes, I would

if I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
but the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow, so I could let you go

if I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
but I know that I could never cry your tears
but I would
if I could

yes, if I live
in a time and place where you don't want to be
you don't have to walk along this road with me
my yesterday won't have to be your way

if I knew
I would try to change the world I brought you to
and there isn't very much that I could do
but I would
if I could

oh baby
I just want to protect you
and help my baby through the hungry years
'cause you're part of me
and if you ever ever ever need
I said a shoulder to cry on
or just someone to talk to
I'll be there, I'll be there
I didn't change your world
but I would
if I could

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