Dr. Hapgood, your cruise director (hapgood) wrote,
Dr. Hapgood, your cruise director

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warning: this post may contain whining, self-loathing, and other character flaws. Enjoy

Not a lot to say lately. Some days are good, some are bad, most are okay. Now for the real reason for this post.

Read one of zatanna's posts and it struck a nerve. Not like he did something bad or anything, this nerve has been getting tighter and tighter all week, begging to be struck by something, anything.

My ten-year reunion starts in just over 24 hours.

I'm freaking out. Nothing like a stereotypical aging crisis to reveal to the world I'm nothing but a bland shadow of a real person. Yup, I'm not even interesting enough to be upset over something unique.

Okay, time out. I love my ability to discount my feelings because the source of my angst isn't WORTHY enough. I'm having this emotional response, and I know the futility of criticizing myself for it.

I'm really good at avoiding people. Seriously, if there was a Nobel prize for disappearing, they would have a really hard time finding me to accept the award. I go through life with this "I'll do better next time" attitude regarding people, like I'm not good enough now, but because I'm drinking milk, next time they see me I'll really WOW them. At some point, I'm going to be hit by the Happily Ever After train, and be suddenly thinner, smarter, less critical, thinner, more sensitive to aesthetic qualities, knowledgable about wine, thinner, and have better hair. Oh, and have my master's degree. Can't forget that little tidbit.

It's amazing the lengthes I go to to preserve this avoidance. I never put any money into a car, to the point now I have no car, so I have a convenient excuse to not see people. My foot has been killing me since last Saturday. I went to readycare Tuesday, and was told to take it easy for it to heal. I walked home last night because it felt a little better yesterday afternoon; it took all of three blocks for it to start killing me again. I guess it makes such a great excuse for tomorrow, I didn't want to take a chance on it completely healing before then. Just two of thousands of examples of this behavior.

I'm going to the reunion. I took advantage of my work on the committee to obtain a confirmed list of attendees, and a few of the people I really dreaded seeing aren't going to be there. Some dear friends are also not going to be there, either, but I guess you take the good with the bad. I'm going to go, spend some time with autumn and bugandwaterguy, and leave when I get too irritated with everyone else.

I apologize for the whining. I try not to let anyone see this side of me. It's so not a part of my public face, which I find myself hiding behind even on here. I should be back to my old, let's only post stuff that has entertainment value soon.
Tags: whining

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