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Same script, different cast

I usually like when movies portray a moment realistically, when they mirror an experience I've had. Tonight, I lived a scene I've seen in films, and I didn't like it all.

It happens a lot in friend films, a scene that takes place late in the show, where you get the feeling that two people have grown apart, that for whatever reason, they will never have the same intimacy they once shared. The end of Threesome comes to mind, so does the beginning of Merrily We Roll Along, "We're not that kind of close anymore, Mary. Now we're just one and one and one."

Talking with one of my college roommates tonight, I felt like I was listening to a new client. Yeah, we had some rapport and I felt some affection, but it wasn't on a personal level. He's become a stranger, and it is really hurting me. What have I done? Have I changed? Has he? Can I fix this?

On some level, I know I have to let friendships change, or they will die, but I feel like I'm losing this one no matter what I do. I have done this countless times before, let a relationship atrophy until it cannot be saved, but I never thought I would lose this one. I was sure he would be one of the ones I couldn't shake; I expected to be a godparent to one of his children, or at least be invited to their wedding.

Okay, Stewart, what are you prepared to do? Work at it, or cry over it? It's a put up or shut up situation, and you probably won't get another chance to fix this. He deserves more, you deserve more.

I guess I'm done talking in cliches, I need to sleep on this and figure out what I want to do.


Nov. 18th, 2005 10:20 am (UTC)
I'm currently going through this with my roommate/friend, Jared. He used to say that he couldn't picture his life without me, and I without him. Now that doesn't seem to be the case. I know that I haven't done anything to cause us to drift apart, we just have.

I've made every effort to try and remain as close of friends as we had been but he doesn't seem as interested in that as I am. I've grown to accept the fact that if I really, really have to work to make a friend remain a close friend, then they really aren't that close of a friend, will likely never be, and probably shouldn't be.

I really don't have room in my life for friends which I feel the need to ask, "Are you avoiding me?" And then bugging him about spending time with me... Jeez! I realized that I don't want a friend that I have to bug to spend time with me. I don't know what took me so long to realize this. The only times he ever wanted to spend time with me were when he needed something from me, like a ride to some place.

And, to make things even more complicated, the relationship was always like this. Nothing has changed. I always had to bug him to spend time with me. The only change that's taken place is that I realized that true friends want to be with you and make an effort to do so. People that you have to bug to be your friend... never were.
Nov. 18th, 2005 03:38 pm (UTC)
and yet it still sucks, doesn't it? I have to own that I may be the Jared in the friendship; it's not like I intend to not talk to people, it just happens that way.
Nov. 18th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC)
Do you seemingly have little-to-no trouble finding time to talk to some people while others you don't have enough time for?

With Jared, I'm not even sure he even knows how he feels. He does obviously have time. He just chooses to spend it with people other than myself. I know that sounds jealous, which it probably is to some degree, but it's more of an observation that even he isn't aware of.

If you seem to "have time" for some people, but not others, maybe you are just holding out hope for a friendship that your subconscious is telling you has already ended. You've, perhaps, moved in different directions in life...