These are tooo funny, I had to share

taken from the Exodus International testimonials Ex-gays share the way

Many years of alcohol, drugs and unlimited sex left me in complete despair. Was there a spiritual answer that could really satisfy me?
Unlimited Sex? Sign me up!!!

With a wonderful wife, two lovely daughters, a large home in the suburbs and a responsible position in the local church, who would have ever suspected my exclusive homosexuality and frequent trips into the parks, porno shops and gay bars.
The only thing I'm wondering is why, with such a blah life, you haven't explored running yourself over with the lawn mower

Even after dozens of gay relationships, I still had not found a man who satisfied my deepest needs. Would I ever find fulfillment in homosexuality?
I think I saw this Size Queen on Springer. Friend of yours chay?(you are the one who admitting to being a SQ right?)

One day, I made the decision that I could not keep my homosexual activity a secret from my wife any longer. So I found the courage and talked to her about it. Her reaction was one of shock and one of great fear.
At least now she understands why he knows the difference between Buttercream and Ecru

My childhood sexual abuse left me feeling like discarded trash. I became afraid of men--and detached from my own masculinity.
Hey, they fixed John Wayne Bobbitt, I'm sure they can help you too!

My mother's lesbianism caused embarrasment and confusion in my own life. My greatest fear was that I would become a lesbian, too.
Cross your fingers and use your cootie spray to keep the homo germs away. I had to include this one as my mother is a lesbian, and we seem to be the exception to the rule.

In Conclusion, I am glad I wasn't raised in a religious household. Coming out was hard enough without having to deal with the whole "you're going to hell!" issue.