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Odd Movie for an odd moment

I just finished watching Advice From a Caterpillar, which really made me feel defensive, a sign that one of the characters evinced an aspect of my personality that I hate about my self. It was the whole fake vibe I got from Cynthia Nixon, the way she dealt with emotions. That is me some times, trying so hard to "process" how I'm feeling so I don't actually have to deal with how I'm feeling.

The last week or so has been so weird, an emotional low for me. Not an emotionally negative time, I'm just feeling more apathetic than normal. Or should I say I'm feeling less? Even my pun was weak.

I don't think it's just me, though, it seems to be effecting everyone. I can't count the number of times that people have said to me that they think this summer is going to suck, and I run around like Chicken Little, trying my hardest to motivate them, convince them that this summer will be great (like every other summer here) when I feel the same way myself. Sing louder so you don't have to hear that you are two beats behind.

As of midnight, it became Melissa's birthday. One of my closest friends from High School, I feel like I've done irreparable damage to our relationship. I haven't been there for her. We haven't spoken since before her father's funeral. The fact that I freaked out and didn't go makes me feel so guilty. Out of a lifetime chock full of mistakes, this is one of my greatest regrets. Maybe I'll write more about this later, but I don't know if I'm ready to share this.

Comments

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mister_biv
May. 18th, 2002 06:51 pm (UTC)
For me the summer isn't sucking at all. Well, I guess this past week hasn't been one of the best of my life, but at the same time the way I look at it I am not working at Kohl's and going to bed at 11 every night because there's nothing to do in Ypsi all alone. You know you're always welcome in my room, I haven't seen you much lately... have you just been really busy? I have been going on like 5 hours of sleep every night in the past week, so I can almost guarantee that I was around and semi-awake. Coming home today was good for me, I needed it because I was really starting to feel stressed at school, but at the same time I've been here about 9 hours and I already miss it. Oh well, I'll be back tomorrow night, all ready to study up for my Monday morning test and conquer doo-doo night.
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