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Experiencing the divine

Just got back from Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Lots of thoughts . . .

. . . about the movie
Phenomanal, one of the best I have seen in a long time. Can't remember the last time I enjoyed a movie this much. Probably Mulholland Drive or Monster's Inc.. Nice amount of cry factor, didn't have to sob, but it allowed one to be emotional. Definitely want to read the book now.

. . . about my mother
Sometimes I worry about the distance between my mother and I, as I can't seem to come up with a reason for it. Nothing as cut and dry as this fictionalized relationship. I need to call her. We had a good conversation a few months ago (I was still at Western), where I thought we would start to heal. So far, nothing. Time for me to invest a little more, I guess.

. . . about friendships
What bothers me most about the movie is that I don't think I have the capacity to be that kind of friend. As we were leaving the theater, Chrissy made a comment about how that would be her friends in fifty years, and all I could think of was that will never happen for me. I've tried to be closer to friends, and all that happens is the friendship burns out, like I used up all the fuel for our relationship too quickly. It brings to mind Song and Dance, during Take That Look Off Your Face, where Emma says "When we started to plan the future and all, Joe started to pull away." But I'm the one pulling away. There was a forwarded email once about lessons you learn in life. One of them was just because someone doesn't love you the way that you want them too, doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they have. I'm wondering if that could apply to myself. But how fucked up is it that I'm having a problem with my own level of committment! Maybe I do need a therapist.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 8th, 2002 06:21 pm (UTC)
I understand completely. I don't know, I guess you could say I've always been a bit jealous of Chrissy, because she has been able to hold her closest friends for many years. She has known Bridget since she was 10. I don't have anyone that I've been that close to for that long, unless you consider my mom. But even that is a totally different type of relationship. I think one of my biggest fears is being alone. I know I have Chrissy, and I love her with all of my heart, so I know I will never be completely alone, but like I said I feel the same way, like I don't know if I have what it takes to make a friendship last through the years. Even of my high school friends, there are really only two that I talk to on an occasional basis, should we run into each other somewhere, and high school wasn't even that long ago for me. It's almost like when I move on from one chapter of my life to the next, I need to start with a clean slate. Anyway... I really don't know what prompted me to share this piece of my history with you, I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Thanks for listening.
Jun. 9th, 2002 05:14 am (UTC)
If feels good, knowing that I'm not alone in this. Thanks, Roy Boy.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )