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Life as a House

Twenty five years of hating what you live in, hating what you are.

and who says synchronicity is bullshit? Damn you, Jung.

Is it really so easy to clear out the trash and cobwebs, and set things right? To quote Kiss of the Spider Woman "Only in the movies"

But I'll be damned if I'm not going to try. Too many signs lately are saying that this emotional bill has come due: this movie, Mom's heart issues, conversations with Dad, my imminent twenty-fifth birthday, the book stephanie lent me that's about a man's relationship with his fucked up brother, all of this happening now is a sign I can't ignore.

A few days ago, I was considering letting this get the best of me, giving up yet again.

I don't want to give up any more. I've given up too much already, twenty-five years.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 29th, 2002 09:01 pm (UTC)
I don't think I completely understand what you're feeling... maybe it's because I haven't seen the movie. But what I am getting from your words is that you feel like your entire almost-25-year existence has been somewhat of a waste. I know that there is still a lot I don't know about you, there are certainly pieces of your life that I am not included in, but still it hurts me to hear you say this. On more than one occasion you have been my sanity; you know how to retaliate from my awful mood swings, and even reverse their effects sometimes; and when you're around I suddenly am not the goofiest person in the room anymore. You're just a great friend, and I don't think that constitutes a waste by any definition of the word. Maybe I'm completely misinterpreting what you said, in which case I will look like an extreme dork. But you know I'm around if you need to talk. I left my home number on my message board on the door if you don't have it. Please don't hesitate to use it.
Jul. 1st, 2002 08:08 am (UTC)
Maybe your acheivments don't look brilliant on paper. No Nobel yet, no Turner award or Archibald prize.
On the other hand, you've lived an above-average human life. You've become educated, you've interacted, you haven't stuck a pointy burnt stick into your eye to see what blindness feels like.
Maybe it just needs balancing. I'd rather have the interaction and education over intellectual starvation and terminal stupidity.
Jul. 1st, 2002 09:06 pm (UTC)
Sometimes I think that you think too much, but then I am quickly reminded that that's who you are. I too am a little confused about what your upset about... But the best advice I can give you is follow your heart. Do what you feel is right and don't give up on yourself. You know and I know that you are an amazing person. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks, as long as you know. That's what's most important.
remember too to rely on your friends. Sometimes they are your best listeners.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )